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Yesterday, after writing the part about women in politics of XIX century, I went to have some drinks with my newly made friends from Antonin Publishing House. We had an interesting talk with Theodore and Ole about how sex transformed within those centuries.

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What were the origins of the stigmas attached to the sexual act and what was it that made them unshakeable for so many centuries? For us the idea of people being institutionally assigned to one of the binary genders and having to comply with all those norms against their nature is abstract.

We looked at each other.

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Theodore would definitely be male. The beard would have stayed. I imagined ze playing sport with similar looking, young men. I imagined ze marrying some feminine individual and having to fulfil the role of a strong, stable husband. We all laughed, although it was all a little bit sad.

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It was less easy in case of Ole. Hir voice was low, shoulders angular and thin. Ze was just a genuinely attractive person, without the use of specifically male or female tricks of charm. Indeed, the world today is going through a serious problem, as one in three people are born infertile, while the rest often refuse to have children. We live in times when women from third world countries spend their entire fertile years on serial surrogate motherhood, often being severely abused, providing us, people from privileged societies, with kids without bearing the physical inconvenience of pregnancy.

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Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia, homosexuality remains illegal with the cases of death sentences. Sexual revolution brought us new possibilities and an alleged sense of freedom, but those reached only people like us - Western, preferably white and of decent income.

For the rest of the world it just changed the name of the pain they have been always bearing. The disparities between our societies have never been as big as they are today. From the trio of me, Ole and Theodore, I was the most binary person. Coming from a traditional monogamous, Christian, lesbian family. My biological mother was struggling for five years to get pregnant. My other mother was infertile, probably due to gender surgeries of both of her parents. She comes from Hungary, where gender surgeries were very new in s and many dangerous substances were being used in hormonal medications.

Apart from the hardship, our life was peaceful and steady. Knowing how important their faith is for them, I wonder how they would lead their lives. Would they be single? Would they marry men? Where was the place for people like my mother in the world of the heteronormative human? I imagined having society seeing my breast as something indecent, having an obligation to cover them constantly, even in summer, even on the beach. I imagined not being admitted to the ballot box because of what I had in my underwear.

I imagined being prohibited from higher education and it made me angry. How would I deal with my sexuality in the times of puberty if I was to never talk and learn about it? It is such a broad and sophisticated topic.

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Hard to imagine how strong the taboos must have been if they were able to overcome the great curiosity and prevent people from touching the topic. But the core of my wild amazement concerning people living before the sexual revolution oscillates around my inability to understand. What did those people feel when falling in love? How could guilt and evil land in that mixture of feelings? How did they position themselves at the moments of purest attraction inside really feel that this vibrant force is a bad thing?

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Did they feel they had sinned after reaching orgasms? I see sex in Western culture of the XXI century as a product, a phenomenon that at some point was assigned a visual identity. Just like visual identities of brands, companies, political structures, it has been designed based on some aspects of its idea, message, history with certain design decisions being made.

Imagine coming to the planet Earth, without having ever heard about or experienced sexual intercourse. Pink leather, black latex, winking strawberry showing a thumb up, flash light, red lips, black lines outlining eyes, fake fur, violet silicone, shouting typography, or decorative and kitsch one, laces, neons, shiny heels, metal elements, pikes, theatrical poses, necessity of pleasure, dull expressions, openness, vulnerability, leopard print.

I would like to find out WHY. What is sex?

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I see sex in two ways. First is the part of pure pleasure - what does the body feel? The second part is what your heart and brain experiences. I think that sex is a combination between those two parts, but what it will be in the end depends on you. Oh and the significant thing is the chemistry. Actually it is pretty complex, because it connects with your whole life in general, so everything influences it in a way.

Aragorn : [whispering] It's the beards.

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